Where am I right now? Look into the centre of that black hole and that's where you'll find me. It's called 'withdrawal'.
I'm in the middle of changing meds that I've been on for 6 years and NOTHING could have prepared me for what it would be like. I knew it would be a bit rough, but I never expected to implode: dizziness, nausea, spinning, shakes, shivers, hot & cold flushes, trembling, aches, pains and nightmares - night after night after night of vivid, exhausting dreams. I honestly don't know where this past week has gone or how I've survived it. I'm a complete wuss when it comes to physical illness so have even surprised myself by managing to keep up with work and pushing through.
I'm in the middle of changing meds that I've been on for 6 years and NOTHING could have prepared me for what it would be like. I knew it would be a bit rough, but I never expected to implode: dizziness, nausea, spinning, shakes, shivers, hot & cold flushes, trembling, aches, pains and nightmares - night after night after night of vivid, exhausting dreams. I honestly don't know where this past week has gone or how I've survived it. I'm a complete wuss when it comes to physical illness so have even surprised myself by managing to keep up with work and pushing through.
Social media has honestly been a godsend to me during this difficult period ... it's been the perfect distraction from the physical discomfort. Everything else has been a complete blur! I don't honestly feel present .. it's as if someone came in and put the 'life' button on hold. There's no oxygen ... just the hope that today might be the day I start to see the sun again.
At the end of my emotional strength, I went back to see my GP yesterday and together we've decided to change the course of action: instead of slow withdrawal, I'm now going straight over to the new medication - I took the first tablet with breakfast this morning. But I'm scared. There's no reason to believe the new medication won't work as well as the old one did, but when I was reading through the list of possible 'side effects' of this new medication, I burst into tears. It's a very, very, very long list. Of course I'd rather not be on any medication, but despite my mind-fog, I do know I'm not in the right state of mind to be making that kind of decision right now. I've discussed it with my GP, psychologist and friends ... and while there are a lot of people medication does not work for, I seem to be one of the lucky ones for whom it does. So I'm going to stick with it for the time being ... and hopefully one day very soon, I'll come out the other side of this black hole and bright, vibrant, well Alison will be back again!
2 comments:
(((hugs))) Ali. I wish I had some all encompassing knowledge to pass on to make it all better, but all I've got is hugs. And a bed, if you ever want to get away for a bit.
Another brutally brave and heartfelt post Ali!
One of the greatest strengths about maintaining our own emotional wellbeing is in recognising when we need to reach out and ask for help. The next step is taking in new information and being supported in processing the info to then make informed decisions on.
I adore Winston Churchill's wisdom almost as much as I adore you my courageous sister in arms. And like Linda, I've got plenty of hugs and a spare bed if you ever need to get away. ps the NT is stunning this time of the year! xx
Post a Comment