JUST DO IT!

I subscribe to the "JUST DO IT" philosophy of living.  Always have.  Always will.  

Tonight, just two posts short of my Blog-November commitment, I have a migraine.  I had planned a reflective piece for tonight's post but the light of the computer screen is just too bright and my head too foggy to make much sense; so I'll let Nike and some inspiration from my good friend Mark Thompson tell the story tonight:

"Remember all uphills crest"

Photo by Mark Thompson




Tracy Chapman - New Beginning

Rural Mental Health

Thirteen months ago, while still a greenhorn on Twitter, I found myself in the extraordinary position of being approached by Amber from Crikey to write a blog post discussing rural mental health in relation to the Murray Darling Basin Plan:

Murray Murmurings: The hidden cost of the Murray-Darling Plan

You will see from the comments that that the article generated a very heated debate, with one person going so far as to "report me" to my employer, suggesting I should be axed for being so "stupid" - regardless of the fact that I did not write the piece on behalf of my employer or in my capacity as an employee of the organisation.  Nothing came of the complaint of course, but it certainly demonstrated the amount of emotion surrounding the MDBP.  I have chosen not to enter the debate with today's release of the second MDBP because there are far more people aware and advocating for the issues than there were 12 months ago.

Nevertheless, discussion surrounding the mental health impacts of the MDBP on rural communities in 2010 lead me to raise the issue of rural mental health with the founders of #AgChatOz.  I asked if they would be willing to have RMH as a topic for discussion on one of their regular Tuesday evening Twitter chats and they were happy to facilitate.  From there #RuralMH was born and as you know this has been my passion and devotion ever since.  I'm no longer involved in the the twitter account of #RuralMH, but I continue to advocate strongly for rural and regional communities.

Last week, I came across the following short documentary by Patrick Tombola about suicide and depression amongst Australia's farmers.  It is very poignant and if you haven't done so already, I urge you to watch it and pay close attention to the statistics - they are truly horrifying:

HARVESTER OF SORROW

Since then,I have been in contact with Patrick, who I'm pleased to report is coming back to Australia in February 2012 to continue documenting rural mental health.

Our farmers truly are our future and we must work with them to ensure they are around to continue producing our food and fibre in a way that is sustainable for both the environment and for rural communities, because we simply cannot have one without the other.  It's a very delicate balance and it is the farmers who walk the knife's edge every single day. 

Please click for a comprehensive list of MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES FOR RURAL AUSTRALIANS

Controversy

My blog post from yesterday "Tears" created a kerfuffle I simply did not anticipate.  The question was raised by someone on Facebook after reading my post: "Would you employ someone with a history of depression and anxiety?" Which led to a very heated discussion - 184 comments thus far and still going.  One person made the following comment in response to my post:

Tears

One of the things I dislike the most about depression are the tears. I cry all the time for no particular reason.  All resilience is gone.  Things that used to be water off a duck's back leave deep impressions.  Take this morning for example:

I was reading the weekend papers online and saw a cartoon in The Australian that really tickled my fancy ... it made me laugh. So I tweeted it hoping to share the laughter with others.  Not long afterwards I received two replies from people expressing their disapproval of the cartoon and the cartoonist. In ordinary circumstances, one would just dismiss the criticism knowing that everyone is entitled to their opinion .... But oh no, not me!

Short post

I've tried several times to write my blog post for today but the words won't flow.  The thing I feared most about cuts to Better Access is happening: people are making attempts on their lives because the support is gone.  Today one of those people was a friend.  I'm so angry out our stupid government for cutting these services and leaving people to die.  What has become of Australia?  Are we now just slaves to big business and corporate agendas?  Our pleas for help have gone unheeded by Mark Butler, Minister responsible for the cuts, and I simply cannot understand how he and his government can be this cruel!  It makes not an ounce of sense to me.

Blogging about the cuts has been very cathartic for me but tonight it feels like a burden.  Who will listen?  Who will stand up for these people without a voice?  How can we make it better?  Where can we go for help?  Rome wasn't built in a day and I know we must keep chipping away at it everyday .. but in the meantime, people are in crisis and attempting suicide.  It's so damn WRONG!

Inspirational

20 Words to Change Your Life

Hope

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come." ~ Anne Lamott

Courage

This is the kind of courage that has become evident amongst members of the Better Access to Psychologists Facebook Group - people with mental illness speaking out:

23 Nov 2011

Access to care denied 

GYMPIE'S Lee-Anne Dawson is standing up for those who can't speak for themselves.

Her brave face represents a hidden crisis, brushed under the carpet in the latest round of budget cuts, which slashed funding of a proven mental health program.

The Federal Government announced in May it would save millions of dollars by rationalising the Better Access program, which provides access to psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and occupational therapists.

Previous arrangements under the Better Access initiative meant patients could access up to 12 sessions of treatment from a psychologist per year by referral from their GP and a maximum of 18 sessions in "exceptional circumstances".

From this month, the yearly maximum allowance of sessions of psychological treatment will be reduced from 18 appointments to 10, with no exceptional circumstances enabling additional sessions.

"Many people with mental illness will be severely disadvantaged by not being able to access quality services through their local GP," a concerned Ms Dawson told The Gympie Times.

"This means that this Christmas when people are at their most vulnerable, about 87,000 Australians will be denied psychological care required for effective treatment."

Australian Psychological Society research indicates the Better Access initiative has been providing care for the very people it was designed to treat - those with high prevalence mental health disorders and significant levels of distress who are being managed by GPs in primary care settings.

This type of treatment also reduces costs of hospital admissions and allows many consumers to return to work, with the associated productivity benefits.

The government's rationale for cutting funding is that affected patients can seek alternative treatment through the Access to Allied Psychological Services program, public mental health facilities or private psychiatrists.

However, these avenues are not currently accessible or equipped to manage the large influx of affected people.

"I think the government is relying on people's silence," Ms Dawson said.

[http://www.gympietimes.com.au/story/2011/11/23/access-to-care-denied-ahead-of-silly-season/ ]

Mark Butler's Letter

After writing to 75 Senators and 150 Federal MPs regarding cuts to Better Access, on Monday I was positively delighted to finally receive in the mail a response from The Hon Mark Butler MP, Minister for Mental Health and Ageing .... it only took 5 months.  I was even more thrilled to see that he'd taken the issue very seriously by writing 3 whole pages.  I shared the letter with some friends, as I had a little bit of trouble wading through it, and it didn't appear that in the whole 3 pages, Mr Butler had actually addressed any of the concerns I had raised (now remember: I am a consumer; not a lobbyist or mental health service provider or practitioner).  One of my fellow consumer friends, Mark Bovill from Western Australia, understood my confusion and offered his interpretation of the letter to help clear things up:

Ali says no!

Why is saying ‘No’ so damned difficult?  It’s such an unassuming word, made up of only two letters, yet hearing it and still worse saying it, strike fear in many souls. 

I just said ‘No’ to someone and instead of being proud of myself, I am actually sitting here feeling physically ill.  My stomach is churning, my heart is palpitating and I’ve broken out in a hot sweat. Far out!  Two people who overheard me say 'No', came up afterwards and congratulated me for having the courage to say ‘No’ but still I feel like crap.  Given this ridiculous response it would have been easier for me to just do the damn thing that was requested!  

Only this morning I saw the above picture so you’d think I would be feeling good about not saying ‘No’ to myself, right???

It is now that I need to channel my inner tigress.  She wouldn’t be having an anxiety attack over saying ‘No’.  My goodness, she would hold her head with confidence knowing that she’d done the right thing by herself.  She wouldn’t be blogging about her heart palpitations and churning stomach; she’d have her tigress-diva-mojo on.

Let me give myself a little credit here … for a ‘recovering people-pleaser’ I think I’ve done pretty well to say 'No' in the first place.  It is said we teach people how to treat us so the person to whom I said 'No' (and those who heard me say 'No') now have absolutely no doubt of where my boundaries lie.  This is a good thing, not a bad thing. 

I was spoken to like a child by the person who made the request.  I am not a child.  I am a “Succulent Wild Woman” and therefore do not need to respond like an intimidated, obedient child would.  Furthermore, the person making the request rudely interrupted me while I was assisting someone else with a task and expected me to “drop everything”.  Ahh .. not going to happen, nor should it. 

So I guess what I need to learn is to say ‘No’ and NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.  Hmmm ... I'll have to let you know how that goes ;-)

We are brave

I've had a shitty day ... not because anything particularly shitty happened, it's just a part of living with mental illness.  I feel completely exhausted, weighed down, for no particular reason and I hate it.  I hate that my mind seems to fight me every inch of the way and that managing my illness couldn't be plainer sailing.  A broken leg can be put in a cast, stabilised while the bones heal and then after a certain period come out of the cast and begin to function as a normal leg again. A broken mind though is a little more difficult to 'fix'. 

Trying to understand myself with mental illness is not easy.  I work hard to apply rational thoughts and responses but find it almost impossible when I'm feeling so completely irrational. Today I feel like a thick, heavy, wet, woollen blanket has been thrown over the top of me.  My whole body literally aches from the physical burden of carrying this 'blanket' around all day.  I've tried my best to function as a 'normal' person .. going to work, interacting with others .. when really all I want to do is curl-up in a little ball and disappear from myself.   

What I need to do right now is be able to focus all my energies on my recovery but I cannot.  Why not? Because something became so completely f*cked-up in Australian mental health that people like myself have been forced into the public eye to try and defend ourselves and fight for our right to Better Access to mental health services.  An environment so pathetic and volatile that people with mental illness who speak out about cuts to a service that has helped to save their lives, are ridiculed, accused of belonging to a cult, sworn at, abused or completely ignored by government, media and mental health 'advocates' alike.  Silos and empires everywhere and consumers are but pawns on a chess board.

I was grieved today to read a piece written by Melissa Sweet (Croakey Blog) referring to the Alliance for Better Access as if it were some irrelevant, extreme fringe group.  My GOD ... it is nothing of the sort.  We came together to support one another and find a path through this tragic mess.  We didn't want to, but the government gave us no other choice.

If we were lobbying for access to better health care (eg: cancer, MS or diabetes) would we be treated with this level of disdain? I think not.  So what the hell makes it OK when the group is made up of people with mental illness? 

Nothing makes it OK.  Nothing what-so-ever!

We may be broken; we may be up, down and all over the place; we may struggle to get out of bed everyday; but we are first and foremost BRAVE!  The fact that we are still here is testament to that fact!  So articles like the one written by Melissa today, only add strength to our collective voice to continue the fight for equality and justice. 

The storm inside

I was so profoundly struck by this article on depression in today's Sunday Age, I feel compelled to share it on my blog so that I have a record of it for all time. 

 

The storm inside | Michael Witheford | The Sunday Age | 20 November 2011

Depression isn't a poetic sadness, it's a raging tempest that exhausts both mind and body.

                       

THE first stark pain of the newly arrived day is upon you the moment you wake. The depression has already beaten you to it. It's up and about, waiting for you ahead of time. Not being asleep is bad news in itself, with the challenge in front of you of another 15 hours (or less you hope, if you can wangle it, maybe) of coping with the terrible weight. Then the barometrics and the temperature and the tone are measured as you stare at the ceiling. How do you rate? How bad is it? What am I in for today?

The Tigress

It's 10:00pm Saturday night and I haven't written my blog post for today.  To date I've been completely loyal to 30 posts in 30 days - more in fact.  Tonight however, I feel like being a bit naughty as I have a new, shiny toy I want to play with instead - an iPhone 4s. BUT .. I'll behave.  A commitment afterall, is just that - a commitment.

Calling Australia's Media to Attention

OK guys – what’s the deal?  Why are none of you, except rural media outlets, reporting on cuts to Better Access?  Has an official media blackout been declared that we know nothing about?  I am seriously beginning to wonder what more we need to do to get your attention on this:

An inconvenient truth

These past few months as I have been campaigning on Twitter for Better Access to Mental Health Services for rural Australians, I've come to learn there are certain aspects to living in a rural area that some key mental health advocates and journalists living in metropolitan areas don't want to hear.  What could that be then?  Nothing too profound, just this:

Loyalty demands participation

"Loyalty demands participation, the rest is simply wishful thinking." - Unknown

I wish I knew who said this .. I'd like to know their background, what circumstances led to them uttering these words because I know such wisdom doesn't come without trial.  Recently, I've experienced personal loyalty like I've never known.  People who've been willing to 'go in to bat for me'. It is a privlege I do not take lightly and feel very humbled as a result.  We share the following belief and although it does not win us any popularity contests, we continue to work together to be heard and make a difference:

Whoa girl! Steady up!

You know that scene in old western movies where there’s a stage coach hurtling out of control behind runaway horses?  That’s where I found myself on Twitter today.  I entered into a rather fiery exchange with two high-profile health writers/ journalists over …. you guessed it …. cuts to Better Access.

We won't give in!

The above photo, along with the following message, were shared by a good friend on Twitter this morning:

"This photo is my morning wish for those affected by #betteraccess cuts. My thoughts are with you, we won't give in."

Choosing my battles wisely

"Don't you hate it when someone gives you no choice and you have to fight them to the very end?!"  - Georgina Liew

That's what the fight for Better Access has become for me!  People with mental illness have been left high and dry by an inept government policy and have been given no choice but to fight for our fundamental human right to have Better Access to mental health care.

In so doing, I've had to give up several social media campaigns I used to adore working on: RuralMH for one - something I worked incredibly hard to get off the ground; and AgChatOZ as well.  'Farming is the New Black' hasn't been given half the attention it deserves, and all this just so I can focus my energies on Better Access.

It's changed my relationship with many people on Twitter - they've either unfollowed or dropped out of my usual sphere of engagement.  On the other hand, the Better Access fight has brought me closer together with a determined team of new people and many new followers.

Saturday morning while reading the news online, a new campaign by Animals Australia against the Australian dairy industry was brought to my attention and it frustrated me so.  I went on a Twitter rant using the 'f' word way more than I should and someone called me on my behaviour:

"I think you need to take a breath, & organize. Important issues require focus and not just passion. True?  I hope you have files, book, and/or USB stick of your campaigns. Just an idea. Important to track info and activity. I only suggest this with respect."

Accepting I cannot fight them all has not been an easy lesson to learn:

“Any fool can criticize, complain, condemn,

and most fools do. Picking your battles

is impressive and fighting them fairly

is essential.” —Dale Carnegie

Marta Driesslein, career strategist, says, “I share with my clients that they should strategically choose the battles that are worth the wounds. Most are not. The battles that should be fought should never be about us or posturing, or retribution for something, or someone that wronged us.”

And so it is that I will continue to give myself to the fight for Better Access and leave all the other battles for other people to take on, because fighting for better mental health care for all Australians is more than worth the wounds - it is the right thing to do!

Courtesy of Mark Thompson

How much do cuts to Better Access cost?

Guest post by a Rural Psychologist:

So how much do Better Access cuts cost financially and in many other ways? In my region, admissions to hospital for mental health purposes are organised via the regional city's local hospital Emergency Department where assessment is provided prior to transfer over an hour away to specialist psychiatric care.

The Holstee Manifesto

Life is short.

Live your dream

and share your passion.

Warm-fuzzy, do-gooder, mental health advocates

Most people, if not all people, would describe me as a glass-half-full kinda gal.  That’s because I am.  I choose to be positive and optimistic as much and as often as possible.  However, I am no fool.  I do not allow positivity to cloud my judgement of the realities of this world and how difficult just surviving from one day to the next can be.  It therefore troubles me deeply that in Australian mental health today, a certain movement of warm-fuzzy, do-gooder, mental health advocates has arisen.  

A Journey

When first seeking help for mental illness it generally comes about because of a crisis or breakdown that has left you broken, shattered:

The Good Ship Better Access

Artist: Alice Carroll

Some things just don't add up!

Maths has never been my strong point.  Even at school I only did ‘Maths in Society’, not the higher level maths of all the 'brainiacs'.  I rely on a calculator all the time and if you were to ask me to do an equation beyond plus, minus, multiply or divide I’d look at you with helpless, puppy-dog eyes.  (Although ask me my times tables and I can still rattle those off, on account of my Year 7 teacher who used to hit me over the head with a maths textbook if I got them wrong.)  So it leaves me somewhat perplexed that Mark Butler MP, the Minister for Mental Health and Ageing, appears to have worse maths than me!  It’s not like he’s in charge of anything important, right?

Self-interest you say?

Australian psychologists opposing cuts to the Better Access to Mental Health Care Initiative have been accused by "certain members" of the Australian mental health community of acting out of self-interest.  Nothing could be further from the truth ...

"Oh crap - client on session 10 today - severe chilhood abuse, been seeing for 2+ years. Last session had turned corner. Today supposed to have "the talk" and she informs me that her dog has just died. The dog who was the first creature to ever show her love and affection. She says "everyone I love leaves, turns on me or dies". Probably not a good time to discuss BAMH [Better Access Mental Health] changes. Think I'll need to see her pro bono and talk this through. Shit Governement. I am furious." ~ psychologist

I am woman, hear me roar

I grew up in a family of misogynistic men.  At the age of 15 when I was trying to establish my identity in the world, my father proudly and maliciously informed me: “God made women to serve men and men love it!”  If he’d taken a branding iron to me, it would have had the same effect.  The level of female devaluing was so deep it even reached as far as to exclude me from the family will.  Even the women of the family perpetuated the myth that women were the possessions of their husbands by lying to me:  my brother was often told how he would inherit the family business and farm; when I innocently asked what I’d inherit, the women told me I would get an equal share unless I married.  There never was an ‘equal share’.  Ironically, I’ve not yet married either.

30/30

It’s about now that I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t committed to writing 30 blog posts in 30 days.  I was warned that Week 2 of this adventure would prove to be the hardest and yep, they were right!  Knowing my weariness, a helpful friend came forth with several topic suggestions to help me across the line tonight and so it is I have settled on 30/30.

Fallen Soldiers

PHOTO: Australian Defence Force: Jo Dilorenzo

It's a sight I truly hate - Australian soldiers farewelling their fallen comrades.  Not just one this time, but three: Captain Bryce Duffy, 26, Corporal Ashley Birt, 22, and Lance Corporal Luke Gavin, 29, who were killed a week ago when a rogue member of the Afghan National Army opened fire during parade.

Exposing Conflict of Interest in Australian Mental Health

Taken from the Twitter timeline of @psychepi - Melissa Raven: a psychiatric epidemiologist and policy analyst, an adjunct lecturer in Public Health at Flinders University, and a member of Healthy Skepticism

01 November 2011

• Jane Halton told Senate everyone in the Mental Health Expert Working Group [MHEWG] declared their conflict of interest http://bit.ly/Senate2011MH but there was only one declaration http://bit.ly/MHEWGCOI  
• Only COI declaration MHEWG Fowke ARAFMI submission http://bit.ly/MHEWGCOI mammoth COI undisclosed making mockery of Government guidelines http://bit.ly/GovtCOI

02 November 2011

• Retweet of @reemarattan (Reema Rattan): Deloitte Access Economics director has been lobbying senior federal bureaucrats to create health savings accounts: http://theconversation.edu.au/health-savings-accounts-just-another-greedy-corporate-scam-3970  
• Senate report http://bit.ly/Senate2011MH (p55) naively quotes Access Economics analysis undertaken behalf Orygen early intervention cost effective 
• Access Economics notorious 'hired gun' http://bit.ly/AccessEccs yet Government uncritically accepts their evidence, even commissions them 
• Deloitte Access Economics analysis criticised vastly overestimating number strokes, used for lobbying by drug company http://bit.ly/tv1uQS 
• EPPIC evidence weak and out of date, doesn’t compare EPPIC vs normal late intervention as claimed, misrepresented as strong http://bit.ly/EPPICweak

03 November 2011

• Ian Hickie conflates chronicity type disorder http://bit.ly/rKQq6C implying people who need more than10 sessions have categorically different problems 
• Note how he [Hickie] sneaks in 'eating disorders, severe personality disorders with self-harm, young people with emerging psychosis'

It's all in the Attitude

I was having such a good day – it’s Friday, I didn’t have to go to work today because the old office is being shifted to the new office and there’s nothing for the likes of me to do; and there was the hope that by this afternoon I would finally know whether or not I’d been offered a Voluntary Early Separation Package (VSP) from work.  Around lunchtime I went online to check my work email in eager anticipation of some VSP good news, only to read that VSPs will now not be announced until the week beginning 14 November.  I came crashing back to earth with a dull thud.  One minute I was up, the next I was down - hope turned into disappointment. 

Waiting is not something I have ever done well – I like to get in there and just do it!  Having to wait on someone else to make the decisions that are going to have a significant impact on my life is tantamount to torture.  Drag it out over four weeks and I just want to SCREAM!  But – I can stamp my foot and throw a tantrum all I like, it’s not going to change the situation or bring the decision date any closer.  There’s only one thing I can change and that’s my attitude.  So, I’m working on picking myself back up, dusting myself off and being grateful for the fact that I have a job and am in paid employment for a few more weeks yet.

Outside my comfort zone

Yesterday I did something I never thought I would do … I made a short video clip of myself appealing to the Australian public and media about cuts to Better Access and posted it on YouTube.  If I’d thought too long and hard about it I would have lost my nerve and not done anything at all, but after reading about yet more reforms to mental health services that have been planned by the government, I felt I had little choice but to step right outside my comfort zone and do something bold.

This morning, when I looked at the clip again I cried - not because I regretted making the clip, but because this is what the Australian government has reduced us to: an environment where people with mental illness are forced to beg and plead to be treated with an ounce of human decency, and to have mental illness recognised on-par with physical ill-health and disability.  I deride Julia Gillard and Mark Butler for that.  Stripped of the dignity to be able to choose who we share our trust with, people with mental illness will be forced into situations where they will be herded like sheep through an indifferent and inadequate ATAPS corral of “case management”.   

I’m one of the luckier ones as I have only myself to care for and have always been in a position to go without in other areas so I can afford private health insurance.  Even so, there is still a significant gap to be covered.  When I was first diagnosed with severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, I required twice weekly visits with my GP and psychologist to “stay alive”.  It was only because of Better Access that I could afford to attend these appointments and was restored to better mental health. 

How can it be then that in 2011, one of the most successful mental health programs in Australia could literally be decimated within the space of a few months and next to no one blinks an eye?  How could this happen in Australia?  Australia – my home; the land of the “fair go”?  What powers are at play that allow this to happen to some of the most vulnerable people in our society?  I have a theory and shared it in earlier post “Once upon a time …”

Better Access to Mental Health Services

 

Sign the Petition

Share your stories at www.betteraccess.net

A Valuable Lesson

Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson – never, ever, in a million years should I ever entertain the idea of going in to politics (and probably not a good idea to become a chief negotiator in a tense hostage situation either).  My temper would simply get the best of me!  I snapped!  Yes it’s true!  I reached a level of anger I’ve only ever experienced once before and I didn’t like how it felt or what it did to me.  So what brought it on?  A lying politician!

I’d been agitated all day as I’d been keeping track of proceedings in the Senate waiting for the report on the Inquiry into Commonwealth Funding and Administration of Mental Health Services to be tabled.  First up was Senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells (LIB), and although she didn’t take to the government with the vigour I had hoped for, she did present a very good argument.  

Next to speak was Senator Claire Moore (ALP), Deputy Chair of the Senate Community Affairs Committee, and she held the “government/Mark Butler” line to a “T”.  Without warning my blood boiled! Her speech infuriated me!  I couldn’t bear to hear her spinning what we know to be utter lies in the Senate, even though I expected nothing more from her.



Politician: "It's a green circle!"
Me:  "WTF???"



It was too much for me to hear her telling the Senate that a square we all can see to be red, is in fact a green circle.  How can she do this?  How does she convince herself of this garbage?  And how the bloody hell does she sleep at night?  Where and when did she cease to be a rational, caring human-being & start becoming a “party machine”, joining “The Emperor’s New Clothes” club?  For goodness sakes, politicians work for us – THE PEOPLE!



Anyway … I’m calm now. The snap & infuriation have been replaced by a determination to make things right and an acknowledgement that politics is not a field I could ever work in.  If I ‘snapped’ while one of them was in the same room telling me a red square is a green circle, I might actually strangle them; and I would never have thought myself capable of violence against another living being. [sigh] 

Before I finish, perhaps you’re wondering what caused me to ‘snap’ once before …

… it was another lying politician!

Challenge Accepted

It’s 1/11/11 and I have accepted a challenge from my online friend and all-round good gal Belle Baker to write one blog post a day for the month of November… so here goes:

I used to be a school teacher.  I didn’t become a teacher for any grand plan to “change the world”; I did it because it seemed a practical way to assist me in what I wanted to do at the time: travel the world and live in other countries.  I was good at teaching, like I’m good at most things I do, because I put my heart and soul into it. 

Teaching was hard and every day was a delicate balance between delivering curriculum, keeping management happy, teams happy, communities happy, parents happy and students happy.  Needless to say, keeping oneself happy came in very last place.  So when I finally found the courage to leave teaching, I swore I’d never go back.

It shocks me therefore, now that I am faced with redundancy in my current work situation that people constantly say to me: “Oh you’ll be right; you can always go back to teaching.”  In fact, it makes me want to scream with frustration because I am capable of so much more!  I am talented, passionate, creative and intelligent, and can turn my hand to whatever task or challenge is placed before me.  Why do they insist on putting me in this box? 

They see my redundancy as a personal failure: “You tried it out in the real world but you failed – now get back to where you belong.”  Well I say NO!  “I” was not made redundant – my “position” was made redundant.  It happens to a lot of people in a corporate restructure including some of those who tell me to go back to teaching.

There are some truly wonderful teachers out there who make me proud to have been one; but I’m also very aware that a lot of teachers hate their job and only stay in it for the money, the security & the holidays.  I will not sell my soul for mediocrity and a safety net!

So .. over the next month you can expect me to blog a lot about the changes that are happening in my life.  I am scared, but am fully prepared to embrace each change as I move into a new, wonderful chapter of my life.